I once had a colleague who, after being recently promoted, confided that they had worked for several years to attain the same title as me. Curiously, I asked why this was significant to them. They revealed that on numerous occasions, they felt I had dismissed their input and undervalued their contributions. Although I disagreed, I asked why they believed a title would change that behavior. They explained that having the same title meant they no longer had to tolerate such treatment.
This conversation prompted several reflections:
1. I had congratulated this person on their promotion as soon as I heard about it, months earlier.
2. Their feeling of dismissal and undervaluation could stem from their own insecurities, or perhaps not.
3. It made me consider whether I should reflect on and change how I communicate with this colleague.
4. For them, achieving the same title was their solution to the problem.
5. What had transpired between us to make them feel this way?
Recognizing that we all have room for improvement, I spent the rest of that evening reflecting on my interactions with this colleague. Considering their history with our organization and its leadership, I began to appreciate their perspective that the title represented the respect they felt they deserved.
For me, respect is not automatically earned through a title. However, I realized that I might need to reassess how I show respect to others.
Humility is an interesting thing; after 20+ years of leading teams, I believed my strongest asset was humility. I don't flaunt my title and never have, so understanding this person's devotion to one was challenging for me. Even in meetings with third parties, when asked to state my title and role, I always answer with, "I'm the Senior Janitor who cleans up other people's messes." It's an icebreaker intended to convey that, while I worked hard to get where I am, the title means nothing to me. At the end of the day, a fancy title should not define who you are as a person and what you bring to the table. Your interactions with others, with that mindset, will naturally foster mutual respect, trust, and teamwork, making it unnecessary to enforce a title at every opportunity.
Titles aside, after carefully considering my past interactions with my colleague, I realized that I had indeed been short in my conversations on numerous occasions due to my own frustration with how those conversations transpired. Additionally, my efforts to understand their perspective were minimal.
My self-evaluation led me to immediately change my behavior with my colleague, but it did not change the outcome. Their focus on their title and their insistence on not being mistreated was unwavering, ultimately clouding their ability to see that I was making an effort to improve our business relationship.
At the end of the day, titles should not be a catalyst for changing another person's perception or behavior towards someone else. If my colleague had told me they felt dismissed or undervalued before their promotion, I would have self-reflected and changed my behavior regardless.
I was grateful for this experience as it gave me an opportunity to reflect on my behavior, make necessary adjustments, and realize that job titles hold great importance for some people—and that's perfectly fine. I can still do my part to demonstrate that, regardless of title, we can all embrace humility to live and work together meaningfully.
